Every April, CT Sexual Assault Crisis Services (CONNSACS) and rape crisis programs nationwide recognize Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM). The goal of SAAM is to raise public awareness about sexual assault and to educate individuals and communities about what they can do to prevent future violence. This year’s national SAAM theme is “Prevent Sexual Violence…on Our Campuses,” and CONNSACS decided to use this as an opportunity to ask Connecticut college students what they have to say about sexual violence.
During the month of February, we attended several college performances of The Vagina Monologues and asked the students in attendance what one thing they would want to tell the world about sexual violence if they knew that the world would listen. We received well over a hundred replies, and we are pleased to share some of them here on our website.
Response #4 - "If I Could Tell You One Thing about Sexual Violence
...it comes from anyone, even nice people you know."
One of the most persistent misconceptions about sexual violence is that perpetrators are strangers who lurk in parking garages or hide in dark alleys. Assaults involving unknown offenders tend to grab our attention and capture our collective imagination. These kinds of attacks are the ones that end up on the news and provide plot lines for episodes of Law and Order. Sexual assault is sometimes a random crime of the sort portrayed in the media, but in a majority of cases, victims know their offenders and are assaulted at home, school, or another familiar place.
Statistics collected from Connecticut’s nine community-based rape crisis programs indicate that fewer than 10% of victims are assaulted by strangers. In approximately 9 in 10 instances of sexual assault, the offender is a friend, family member, or acquaintance of the victim. Child victims are even more likely to know their offender than adults.
In cases of known-offender sexual assault, victims often feel a sense of betrayal. If the offender is a family member or a close friend, it can be difficult for victims to disclose for fear of disrupting their families or social circles. They worry that no one will believe them if they speak about the abuse, and they are unsure of who they can trust.
Despite the frequency of known-offender sexual assaults, our cultural narrative perpetuates the idea that sex offenders are scary strangers who prowl around in the dark. The reality is often much more difficult to stomach: offenders can be friends, family members, partners, and trusted acquaintances. It is heartbreaking to think that anyone we know and love could be an abuser, but it is dangerous to believe that the people we trust could never be an offender. If we as a society believe that only certain kinds of people could commit a sexual assault, it becomes more difficult for us to identify and respond to abuse when it occurs.
Response #3 - "If I Could Tell You One Thing about Sexual Violence
...it happens to all classes, races, and genders."
Only women can be victims of sexual violence. Rape only happens in urban neighborhoods. Rich people are safe from sexual assault. It only happens to young people. Such myths about where sexual violence happens and who it affects are common. They are also inaccurate and dangerous.
Sexual violence does not discriminate on the basis of race, class, age, or gender. Marginalized communities, such as people with disabilities and Native American women, do tend to experience high rates of sexual violence, but that does not mean that any community is entirely immune. It can be comforting to think that sexual assault happens to “other people” – people who look different or live in a different neighborhood – because it creates a feeling of safety and security. The thinking seems to be that if sexual violence happens to “other people,” it can’t happen to me or to my loved ones. 
Sexual violence occurs because offenders choose to exercise power and control over their victims. Some offenders choose to victimize members of a particular community because they are not likely to reach out for help or not likely to be believed, but this is different than saying that a person was victimized because of who they are or because of a particular trait that they possess. People of all classes, races, and genders are abused because offenders choose to abuse them. Period.
When individuals and communities latch on to the idea that victims of sexual violence look a particular way or possess certain characteristics, it makes it more difficult for to recognize and support survivors from all walks of life. The sad reality is that anyone could be a victim of sexual violence, and anyone could be an offender. Sexual assault is a crime of power and control, and these abusive dynamics exist in every community.
Response #2 - “If I Could Tell You One Thing about Sexual Violence
... it happens toward men, too.”
Sexual violence has long been thought of as a “women’s issue” because victims are disproportionately female and offenders are overwhelmingly male. This categorization, however, downplays the extent to which men experience sexual assault. All survivors of sexual violence face barriers to disclosing, but men also have to contend with a society that reinforces the idea that “real” men are not vulnerable and cannot be victimized.
According to the Department of Justice (2003), approximately 1 of every 10 sexual assault victims is male. Although research has shown that nearly 1 in 6 men are sexually abused at some point in their life, these numbers do not necessarily reflect the true number of male survivors. Many men remain silent about their victimization because they are afraid or ashamed or hesitant to label their experience as sexual assault.
On college campuses, men may be sexually assaulted as part of “hazing” rituals that accompany fraternity pledging or involvement with a sports team. Some men are so eager to fit in with these groups that they endure coercive or humiliating sexual contact without ever identifying it as abuse. This is certainly not to say that all fraternities and sports teams engage in abusive hazing, but such circumstances can result in men being assaulted, particularly when alcohol or rigid power dynamics are involved.
Male survivors of sexual violence need to know that they are not alone and that, like female survivors, what happened to them is not their fault. There are many excellent resources available for men, including Male Survivors and 1 in 6. In Connecticut, men and women can speak to a certified sexual assault crisis counselor at any time, day or night, at: 888-999-5545 (para hablar en español: 888-568-8332).
Response #1 - "If I Could Tell You One Thing about Sexual Violence...
...it would be that it's much more common than most young men and women think."
When we asked college students to tell us one thing about sexual violence, this was one of the most common responses that we received. While individual students readily acknowledge the prevalence of sexual violence, they do not seem to believe that their peers are aware of the issue. When there is limited public discourse about a social problem, it is easy to minimize its impact and assume that the issue only affects a small portion of the population. The lack of conversation about sexual violence, however, does not accurately reflect how often it occurs.
According to a comprehensive survey completed by Connecticut Sexual Assault Crisis Services and Macro International, 19% of all Connecticut residents and 26% of Connecticut women have experienced some form of sexual assault during their lifetime. While men and women of all ages are at risk of sexual victimization, college-aged women are particularly vulnerable: a prominent study by the National Institute of Justice found that nearly 5% of female college students experience an attempted or completed rape in any given calendar year. Assuming a four or five year period of enrollment, the NIJ believes that upwards of 20% of college women will experience sexual violence during their college careers.
Activist and Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel has noted that, “Silence encourages the tormenter, never the tormented.” The silence that surrounds sexual violence isolates victims and stigmatizes the issue. The fact that our society does not openly discuss sexual assault does not mean that it is not happening – it just means that very few people are speaking up when they witness abusive behavior, victims are suffering in isolation, and offenders are not being held accountable for their actions.
Sexual violence happens much more often than most people think, but it is probably also the case that our collective silence downplays the extent to which people are concerned about the issue. If we could tell one thing to the students who submitted this comment, it would be to start a conversation about sexual violence. You might be surprised by how many people have something to say.
